This is my first real blog post ever so bear with me....get the word play?
OK, so here I am just like 70% of America! Confused about what to do with the rest of my life and wondering if I am ever going to be able to find that other person that can handle all of this and not be culture shocked whenever they meet my family. I know that is asking a ton for any woman out there to deal with, but hey, there isn't anything I can do about it. If while you read this I begin to curse and use more foul language; fucking deal with it because its probably something that was dormant that just flows to the keys as I am typing.
I miss being 10 years old, and by that I mean I miss being me at 10 years old. I was such a spunky go getter and I had great ambitions to do great things and invent the next biggest thing for the hell of it. Now I am just working at Target and on a path to be miserable and doing the same thing for 35 years. Side Track:
Ok so you can agree, disagree, or just blow this part off but i truthfully dont give a flying fuck at the moment. I am blessed to have been born here in the USofA, but that blessing comes at a cost. That cost is that im insignificant because of a few things. I am a male which allows me some obvious priveledges in this society, which for the record I am not okay with. I can argue that point day and night and to no avail will a valid conclusion be reached. My point in this bit of rambling is simply that, I know I am black, brow, african-american,or whatever. I don't need a reminder of it every time I dance. I don't need you to tell me that the only reason I get away with certain things is because the color of my skin and the goofball rolls of people of that color in the past used humor to make it out of the situation they were in. OH, and I fucking swear if I hear one more fucking thing about black people taking over white sports I am going to fucking get some money and air an ad to tell people to stop complaining and get off their asses and train if being a pro athlete is their dream....FUCK YOU FOX NEWS btdubs.
I can't be angry at any girl who dosen't think im cute, hell most mornings i wake up and my alec-esteem isn't 100%, but if you see me trying and want none of the lovin...just let me know! I feel like I have wasted my fucking time when I, a male who happens to be of African lineage, try to get to know you better than a friend and wont even get the opportunity to step up to the plate and strike out.
Im not enough of anything for people apparently, and I know and understand that I have some girls that would date me in a heartbeat. I apologize to any girl who I have turned down, or given a false impression that I wanted to be theirs and I really didn't. I don't really know what to say on this subject because my brain has this need to rationalize and realize that I am going through potentially the same thing I am putting someone else through.
Anywho thats all I got Peace!
Alec Mathews
