We are who we are based on our past life experiences. So as much as you may be in love with or loathe the very air a person from your past breathes, they are as much apart of you as you are of yourself. Something they may have done has shaped how you now perceive present events. Most of us have been hurt in the past and have put up the age old "wall" to keep ourselves from feeling the low again. Some of us, yours truly, have put up physical, emotional, and mental walls for one reason or another. Part of this I know is because of my societal obligations as a "man".
What the hell is a man anyways besides a social construct that was created a really long time ago, I say this because carbon dating sucks, that has its basis deeply rooted into each and every one of us even if we fight it tooth and nail.
Back to the subject at hand... I am just tired of being the guy that is sweet and nice. The guy that is the kind of guy that you marry and not date. Which by the way is one of the most moronic lies I have ever heard someone say more than once. Any who, it is beginning to erk me in all the wrong ways as I watch people around me hooking up, getting booed up, and settling for the silver medal and happy. My real issue is I have NEVER HAD A FUCKING NORMAL LOOK AT A RELATIONSHIP! When it comes to me, you would think a writer on a television show was writing every social interaction I have with something with a vagina. I KNOW WAY TOO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE. I almost want to leave the state or the country to find someone that I don't know their ex, brother, sister, mom, or Dad (mainly the ex part). I get weird situations, like a girls in a 2 year relationship with a house and has slept with one of your close friends and claims to really like you but there is something wrong, of fucking course there is, she flakes goes back to the friend.
Now I feel like I have maybe an above average read on women but that doesn't mean shit in the grand scheme of the roller coaster ride of courtship. You can be certain and be dead wrong all at the same time because of how your emotions cloud your judgement and the fact that you can't read minds. Oh! and apparently wanting a girl that I can hold a conversation with without a valley girl "whhhhaaaaattt?" coming out means that I am picky.
Its really whatever I have just got my panties in a bunch tonight. Please no Aww's or It will happens. I have herd it all before and the story is still the same at the end of the day.
Normality is the one thing my life lacks which makes it an amazing and depressing place to live in........
Peace Out Girl Scouts
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