1st Poem

I am curious as to what you think. So please give me some feedback because I finally just let my mind float as I decided to write this poem. I am sure that the jumbled thoughts that are in my heard are expressed here in some cryptic ( not really) form or fashion. This is only called my 1st poem because I think that this is truly the first poem i wrote without any other thought than, "Write a poem from withing." .......Its a bit long but I hope you enjoy!

I feel like letting the words flow 

so simply that I'll know 

the what I am say is true 

and not just a show put on for you

I don't want to write about love

or beauty sent down form up above,

because that's not true that's not real

for self-esteem i can see the appeal, 

but I want the lust, the passion, the waves

So I can recant the ways,

That I want you, I need you, I feel you

the way that just a glance make me feel for you,

you who makes life more than just a game 

one who Id gladly stand out in the rain, with 

just to hold you close and see your face

just to see how alive i feel in this place 

wrapped in your embrace, horizontal, vertical, at a slight angle 

sitting here thinking of calling you an angel 

but I know that wont work, it never does

unless your a looks 1 percenter then that's the cause 

hopelessly romantic or hopelessly romantically frantic 

the thoughts would drive a sane man manic 

into depression with fits of rage and joy 

thoughts of bliss will only play coy 

a tug on the strings, a girl with no wings 

but still as beautiful as ever 

insistence as light as a feather  

I want to see you first 

and prepare for the worst 

I want to see you 

then be you 

I want to like you 

then lust you

and if the moment is right, and not just the hype

of me finding your favor, and seeing you later 

maybe just maybe lu can escape 

but pulled back quick for its mistake 

then spilled forth to give validation 

I guess I can love you, given my situation

Peace Out Girl Scouts 

Yay me!

Okay so I understand that these posts aren't too appealing, because mainly because I seem to only write when I am angry or depressed. Sadly enough it has a lot to do with the fact that I a black. There i said it, I am just tired of beating around the bush and making awesome references to it. Today, or should I say tonight, I saw a photo of myself with some friends by the pool and I realized that I am much darker than even I perceived myself to be. Now you may be asking yourself why that even matters?...Well i will tell you. It may come as a surprise but the darker I am, statistically, the fewer opportunities I will have in my life. I dunno I feel like I may be a little bit happier if I had my mothers lighter skin complexion. Oh, and let me tell anyone who is rolling their eyes...IT IS NOT FUCKING EASY BEING BLACK AND NOT "ACTING" BLACK. On a lighter note, I like white girls and the WHOOTY is my favorite thing in the world now!

Oh My Gosh Becky Look at Her Butt.............. fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap..........Toonchie 

If you knew me in my every day life then you would know how much I try to smile and be a very uplifting person. I have a lot of personal philosophies, which seem to come out a lot when I am drunk, and a lot of them revolve around how to make other people happy. One is  that I feel that every woman is beautiful and deserves to hear it from time to time. I say this as much as I can and its usually pretty obvious when I am calling someone beautiful because I am interested. I only say this because I have had a bit of a bad streak with telling bigger women they are beautiful. By the way I am upset when I see a black guy with a really big white girl, and I understand that it is there choice, but dammit it makes it hard for me to hit on cute girls at parties!  

I swear my depression has ADD which I am sure is actually a good thing.

I gotta see that again....

POGS!!!

Tired

Okay so I fell like this statement needs to be made. I Alec Mathews am a Straight Male who like…Nay! Loves women. I also associate myself with anyone who has a personality that I like; it doesn’t matter to me if they are Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, or Transgender. I love all of my friends and I wouldn’t ask them to change for the world. I am very secure in my sexuality and understand the liminal space that others shy away from. I have only this left to say... If you can't accept me for the person I am or the people around me who enrich this one life that I get then sadly I do not need you in it. I would like you to be, because the sharing of information is how we grow, but still a closed off mind is not welcome. Thank You

I had to make this statement earlier because I had some "concerns" about my sexuality as far as my family is concerned. I will not lie I have always felt slightly like an outcast in my own family and in my community as a whole, besides a few select people who didn't car about the way I acted or talked. I would also like to mention that it is very taxing living a double life, and I cannot fathom having to deal with what I am sure some of my friends have had to deal with for years. Its a sadly normal thing to watch people be ex-communicated from a family or religion because of their sexual orientation, but it is just a bit weird for me to realize that people are outcasts in their own families simply because of the level of their education and an open mind. I myself have always felt included in my own family but not really ever as one of their own but more as the one of our family who will give monetary credit to our family name and subsequently to the African american race at the same time. Now tell me; would you know what to do with your life with not only the pressure of your family on your back but and entire fucking race that has hundreds of thousands of people you have never even been a spec inside of their existence too? Either way I refuse to change who I am  because that is what people love about me and why my circle of friends is as large as it is, and why I can typically walk into any place across this country, mind you, and make friends anywhere I go. Also my main reason now for being me is so that hopefully I can be a role model to that kid growing up like me; feeling out of place all the time because of how a lot of his "skin color" acts, or because of how he is accepting of others and very neutral in most situations, or just purely needs to see someone and say hey, he did it and he had to overcome a lot to get there and now I feel like my life has purpose. If I can make one persons day directly or indirectly I can exit this world at the end of my stay as happy as I can be, because i would have done something that a lot of people seem to refuse to do today...

LEAVE OUR CHILDREN WITH A BETTER SITUATION THAN WHAT WE HAD TO DEAL WITH!!!!!!!

POGS...YouOnlyDieAwesome!! YODA!

Connection

Okay so i feel like I talk about this a lot but I can't help it since every time I talk to my parents they shove it down my throat.

SOoooooooo Anywyz....... My mom sent me a txt message, on her new fangled smart phone, asking me to take a LOVE survey to see if I could out score my mother and my sister. So since I am currently unemployed and have nothing better to do, I did it. I got a 2.......out of 10. I guess that would really explain my current "Love" situation.

http://www.lovecapacity.com/

Your Love Capacity Score Is: 2 - Confused

You are better at receiving love than you are at giving love but WE KNOW that you can love at a greater capacity. You need the right person to bring out of you all of the love that you have inside to offer. 


I feel like a love guru now. I always find my self giving advice on Love and things like that, and all of the advice seems to work. Its like a virgin giving sex tips to a Pornstar!

Look I know the issues that I have in my own love life and all I can do is share mine to help you possibly avoid some of the same pitfalls.



I Hate bowling at the moment by the way Fuck this Sport/Game.

POGS

L.O.V.E.

Im not really sure why I am writing, because im in a kind of funk which must alternatively mean that I am on my Period!!! Yay! Guys you have them so stop bitching and complaining and throwing weights around a gym to seem macho, and embrace the few days. Any ways I will just say that if you are in a relationship or are looking to enter one of these torturous things anytime soon. You will do well to remember this one simple thing, COM-MUTHAFUCKING-MUNICATE! Communication is the key to any and all actual successful relationships plain and simple. Also I have to mention that these things arent easy and no one side is ever the right one. Relationships take a lot of work and if you get to the point where you can truly say that you love the other person, then you will have to come face to face with their upturns and pitfalls.

This song has just been speaking volumes to me for the last like hour.

I can't really think of anything else to say other than, if you really and truly love someone then you need to learn what makes them tick and know everything about them. You will want to no what makes them angry so that you can try your best to be as good a companion as you can be. Compromise. Compromise. Compromise. And if you can't GET THE FUDGE OUTTA THERE!!! Don't stick around and drag down someone elses life just so you can be in a relationship for a little while longer. Do the right thing and continue to be you because in the end your the only one that truly knows you and what is going on inside your head and heart. 

Peace Out Girl Scouts