So I got bored tonight and I thought it would be interesting to search on Google: black guy dating white girl problems. It seemed harmless enough, seeing as how I was curious to see how often others have dealt with some of the set backs I have had with dating. I however found a bunch of random Yahoo questions and Wikianswers on the subject matter, and a few article. I say on the subject matter with a bit of caution though seeing as how none of it really seemed to be what I was looking for. I myself am a black american male who happens to have a college degree, listens to all types of music, works for a country radio station, loves crazy and weird things, loves to bake, loves to cook, is a Women's studies major, and works in an advocacy office working on a program to end sexual violence against women.
Now that the introductions are out of the way, I have had many short comings with dating and a lot of it hasn't been centered around my personality. I have had many rejections, either for real or as an excuse, based on the color of my skin. I have herd all of the negative things that black women have had to say to me about dating white women, yet none of them wanted to date me in the first place. I have always been told that I was a white/black kid and that it wasn't really a shocker that I like white women. Let me get this straight right now, I am not putting down black women at all, I just know I will get shit for like who I like. I know that I find a girl who has a strong moral fiber, loves fitness, loves sports (possibly plays one), loves to have fun, can be unpredictable, and doesn't let the world pre-describe her path for her, extremely attractive! My track record would say that I only like white women, but I believe all women are beautiful. So no don't get angry at me because I don't like a big girl, or think that I don't like a girl with curves cause i'm an Uncle Tom. I emulate who I am around and I know what I like, so I would much rather have a woman who kinda gives me something to aspire to be worthy of, shares my interest, and keeps me guessing.
Anyways I side tracked there for a bit; I found in my search that many of the sites were about the stereotypes of white women being more docile that black women, and how kids won't have any culture if they are mixed. I guess I have a slightly feminist perspective on this, but most of the things talked about shouldn't really be issues. Let me say this, BLACK MEN: NOT ALL WHITE WOMEN WILL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, NOR ARE THEY DOCILE AND NEED A MAN TO TELL THEM WHAT TO DO. Rinse and repeat for BLACK WOMEN, white men, and anyone else who thinks its opposite. Black women, you are who you are. You are not defined by the characteristics the media says you should be. All women who do not have natural hair spend tons of money on hair. Black and white women will not get a $200 hair style wet right after they got it done. Although with black women trying to fit into the "manageable" hair world, they will definitely not be going in the water too often.
I'm not blaming all of my dating woes of women or the friend zone. Which by the way GUYS, is not a male only space. Men put women in the friend zone in a different way and that is all. In our society men do the asking on average, so by not asking or showing interest in a girl guys avoid the put down and place their female counterparts in the same friend zone that everyone who is there inhabits. I digress, I know that now i have a failure to ask issue and I don't ask women out really now because of the fear of not having a shot because of my skin color. I know that I don't go through the phases of a relationship as defined by society. I don't like the honeymoon phase and I skip it; I feel like we have been friends and hanging out long enough already to not really need it.
I don't really have all the answers but I would like for us all to just be able to like who we like because of the person they are. I want to have interracial children some day and that what I like. You can hate me or love me for it, it really won't change my day to day operations. My kids will know they are my and my wife's children, and they will have " the best of both worlds" so to speak. If I am not what you are looking for, don't get angry at me for not liking you. If you are not what I am looking for, don't get mad at me for not liking you. Relationships are the first step in giving up the selfishness of life, in having to share your existence with another person and understanding that your decisions affect more people than just you.
Peace Out Girl Scouts
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